Boobaholics Anonymous

Today Maisie entered a 12 step program ~ her addiction, booby juice! What can I say, the girl likes her boobs, okay the girl likes my boobs! This was a non-issue with the boy ~ he weaned himself at 8 1/2 months ~ no work required on my part. The girl however hasn't been so quick to give them up ~ although I have managed to cut her down to one serving a day at breakfast. She's not even 14 months yet, so it's not like she is walking up and asking for the boob, or walking up, lifting up my shirt, unhooking my bra, and helping herself ~ she's still a baby, but the time has come and I think even she is starting to realize it. A couple of weeks ago when the bubonic plague swept through here I thought I was going to get out of her breakfast for that day ~ god only knows I certainly didn't feel up to it ~ I was afraid that I would have to throw her off of me to run go put my head in the toilet ~ fortunately it didn't play out like that. That morning I just gave her a cup of milk in hopes she wouldn't notice the lack of Boppy time ~ she noticed and sat in the middle of the living room floor screaming until I couldn't stand it anymore and picked her up and caved to her demands ~ then she was happy as a pig in you know what. So I came to the realization that while she had let me cut out the other 3 feedings, she wasn't giving up the last one without a fight ~ I figured I would continue to humor her a little longer until she was ready. I have noticed this week that she has nursed for a shorter time everyday and is then thrilled to see her ice cold cup of milk emerge from the fridge ~ I believe she has come to the realization that she doesn't have to work so hard to get the milk that comes from the cup so it is the better way to go. This morning I didn't even give her the boob option ~ just a cup of milk ~ so far so good ~ we'll see if we have the same luck tomorrow or if she is going to fall off the wagon.

I find myself not rushing Maisie in any way, shape, or form ~ I want her to stay a baby forever! I think knowing now just how fast they grow up has really made an impression on me ~ I am not kidding when I say I am looking for the last 5 years ~ Hunter has grown up so fast on me I just can't believe it. I definitely want to have another baby ~ okay who am I kidding I have baby fever so bad it's not even funny ~but I also know what a long, rough road it was getting Maisie so having another one isn't a guaranteed thing. So just in case she proves to be my last, I want to savor every single day of her babyhood.

Titties & Beer

Tonight is our BIG adult night out!!!!! ~ I am so excited I can hardly stand myself!!!! Tonight is Rodney Carrington night (hence the title of this post) ~ I got the tickets for Scott for Christmas. I believe this is our first outing for something fun to do without children since Maisie hatched ~ sad I know. We have been to the movies once, but Maisie went with us ~ she was a week old at the time. I wanted to see Charlie Wilson's War and had planned on doing that the day it came out so that I was sure to see it before she was born ~ too bad she came out before the movie did! We got to see it anyway, just as a party of 3 instead of 2! My mom is coming to keep the kids while we go ~ woo hoo ~ not having to pay for a babysitter means we can afford to go to Happy Hour for a couple of cocktails and even eat before heading off to the show ~ what a novel idea! I will have to make sure I go pee out all of my happy hour cocktails before the show starts ~ he is so funny that I am afraid I just might pee myself if I don't! Below are a few samples of what we will be watching tonight ~ if you are easily offended I don't recommend you click on the links! I heart Rodney!

Titties & Beer

Dear Penis

The day my wife met my girlfriend

Maisie's New Do

On January 18, Maisie turned 13 months ~ and just 2 days ago her hair finally became long enough to get into her eyes! I am still amazed at how little hair she has ~ Hunter had way more hair than she does ~ he had so much that he got his first haircut at 11 months ~ he really could have used one before that, but I just couldn't bring myself to cut his curly little locks! However, I brought myself to doing it when it became so puffy he looked like he was circa 1972 with his little blonde disco afro going on! It still gets that way which is why I keep it so short ~ very well trimmed and blended on top with a 1" guard around the bottom and sides ~ no little blonde disco king around here! Now that my little mouse has enough hair to touch her eyes, I get the fun of "fixing" it ~ okay not like there is a lot of fixing to be done, but it's more than there was! The first morning that I pulled it up into her massive ponytail Hunter informed me on the way to school "she looks like she has a fountain on her head" ~ he is an observant little beast ~ her head does seem to resemble a fountain! Fountain or no fountain, she remains awfully cute ~ not that I'm biased or anything! I don't think she will quite be ready for a trip to the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique when we head back to Disney in May, but I can't wait until she is! I love seeing all of the little princess' walking around the parks ~ it really just adds to the magic of the place. Good god, what has happened to me? Never did I think I would see the day I could be sucked into all of this girly nonsense! I have to say though it is quite fun ~ I highly advise everybody get their very own little girl ~ maybe I'll start "renting" Maisie out to those who don't have a girl ~ I'll gladly let you take her shopping and to fun places like Sweet and Sassy just as long as you pay for all of her stuff! Sounds like a pretty fair deal don't you think?

The Bubonic Plague ~ The Final Chapter

So I think I have managed to uncover the culprit who took down not only our entire house, but also Scott's sister's house ~ THEIR MOTHER!!!!! The night we had been over there she touched Maisie's chicken nugget ~ although I was cringing inside about this and wanted to jerk that nugget right back off Maisie's plate I didn't make a big deal about it, she seemed healthy enough ~ I figure this is when she ingested the virus ~ the only way to actually become ill with the Norovirus is to ingest the nasty little bugger ~ since she didn't touch anyone else's food only my poor sweet little mouse became ill ~ until the barf and yucky poop started flowing around here and we just fell like a house of cards. Well, Scott's sister and her daughter saw their mom again on Friday and the little girl was sick on Sunday ~ just the right incubation time. After finding this out Scott called his mom and asked if she had been sick and low and behold she had been about a week before we came in contact with her ~ you can shed this virus for up to 2 weeks after getting ill ~ good god man! So anyway, I can now stop obsessing about where Maisie got the bug from and give up on my attempts at making all shoes be removed at my front door ~ I'm sure Scott is breathing a HUGE sigh of relief! Had Hunter been the first one to go down I would have just assumed he got it from school and that would have been the end of it ~ had Maisie actually been somewhere to catch it, like the store or a restaurant where she touched a germy cart or highchair (okay, lets be honest here, you KNOW I don't allow her to come in contact with those things ~ she sits in her Floppy) but I would have just assumed she had gotten around the Floppy and touched just the right germ filled location to catch it ~ but since that was not a possibility I really have been obsessing over where she could have possibly gotten it ~ hence my whole shoe theory. I make no guarantees that I will never get to the point of extreme OCD and decide to make people take their shoes off anyway, but for now shoes are still welcome inside ~ as long as they are clean! My lesson learned here is I am done letting my guard down in my battle against germ warfare ~ I don't care who makes fun of me for being germ OCD ~ at least my mouse will be healthy ~ now if I can just find a plastic bubble to put her in......

I've Created a False Clorox Market!

Fortunately for us, and all who come around us, the plague has passed and we have all lived to tell about it! I kicked Scott out of bed first thing Friday morning ~ I informed him that he had already had a day to lay around a moan and now there were things to be done. He wasn't too impressed, but left up to him he would have worked it for another week about how sick he was ~ please dude you seem to forget I too had suffered through the plague ~ the only difference was I didn't get a day to lay around and moan about how crappy I felt! Ah, the life of the mother ~ your days and duties don't stop just because your head is in the toilet! Hunter was a little slow to get started, poor kid I'm sure every muscle in his body hurt from all of the barfing ~ mostly dry heaving ~ that he did but once he got going he was off and running as usual! I was still busily bleaching everything in this house ~ if any one of us could have possibly come in contact with it in any way, shape, or form it got bleached! I employed the boys in the playroom to wipe down all of the toys and things with bleach while I continued bleaching throughout the house ~ I don't know that this house has EVER been so germ free! I'm amazed that there is still color left in the tile given how many times it has seen a bleach bath since Friday! I'm feeling much more comfortable in my own house now ~ a much better feeling than one of germs just crawling all over you! I think I could honestly be medicated for my germ OCD ~ seriously, it just gets worse every year ~ you would think that I would have been at my worst germ precautions with Hunter as a baby, but let me tell you I am far worse with Maisie than I ever was with him! I attribute that to knowing what life with a sick kid is really like ~ Hunter had RSV when he was 3 months old ~ bad enough that they were debating whether to hospitalize him or not. We have battled respiratory issues with him ever since ~ last winter was the first year in his life that didn't involve breathing treatments or an inhaler! I am still debating whether I am going to allow shoes to be worn in the house or if they will be removed at the door ~ Scott thinks I have truly gone off the deep end on this one! If anyone stays at a hotel with slippers, swipe them for me would you? I could have a basket of slippers by every door! Medication is getting closer by the day!

The Bubonic Plague Part II

Let me start this off by saying I am in germ HELL!!!!! About 1:00 this morning Scott fell victim to "the plague" ~ as we were going to bed he announced that his stomach felt weird ~ he didn't feel sick , just weird. I informed him, as he took a swig of Pepto, that I felt confident he would indeed be tossing his cookies before too long and that Pepto is a terrible thing to throw up and to keep it down when he was barfing because after the day and night I had endured I was exhausted! Let me just say he didn't keep it down so I found myself awake at 1:00 with him. Not too terribly long after he returned to bed I heard the dreaded sound coming from the other end of the house ~ the sound of the boy in tossing his cookies ~ he too had fallen victim to "the plague". The last stomach bug he contracted I really lucked out on ~ there was no barf anywhere that there shouldn't have been ~ none in his bed or on the floor ~ he had actually made it to the toilet ~ this time I wasn't nearly as lucky! Not only had he barfed all over the bathroom floor, but his bed was also victim of this heinous crime! I will give Scott snaps because he did surface long enough to help me get the bed changed before scurrying back off to the confines of our bathroom. I put a trash can in Hunter's room and told him if he was gonna barf again to put his head in there if he couldn't get to the bathroom ~ he proceeded to barf in the trash can all night long ~ about every 15 minutes for most of the night. I finally went to the store at 4:00 to get him some Ginger Ale ~ I try to keep a 12 pack in the house for moments just like these, but go figure my husband likes to use them as mixers and there is never one to be had when I really need it. I sat down in the chair at 5:00 with a cup of coffee figuring there was no point in getting back in bed since every time I did I would hear Hunter and get right back up ~ the next thing I knew it was 5:42 and I had apparently fallen asleep sitting straight up ~ but that also meant that Hunter hadn't barfed for 50 straight minutes ~ hallelujah! I thought to myself well surely he must be through and went to bed ~ I was immediately in a coma and woke up at 5:53 to the sound of Hunter's head in the trash can ~ damn it man! So back to the every 15 minutes we went ~ ugh! I got up with Maisie about 7:30 and Hunter got up too to put himself in the playroom and had requested a bottle of water ~ thought he must be feeling better to want something to drink ~ I foolishly didn't bring the trash can into the playroom with him and low and behold he threw the bottle of water back up ~ fortunately he went running for the bathroom so the cleanup was minimal. Back he came and asked for another bottle of water ~ I told him fine but he was just going to throw it up too ~ he took the gamble ~ although I had gotten smart this time and brought the trash can in ~ he managed to keep that bottle down for a while ~ even fell asleep on his couch ~ no sooner than he woke up out came the water ~ and a good bit of it on the playroom floor. On that note I banished him to his bed until he has stopped throwing up! I am not going to keep cleaning up barf off the floor in places Maisie goes ~ although she was the initial stomach bug offender, this is some super mutated bug or something and I certainly don't want Maisie to get the mutated version ~ if that's possible. The icing on the cake came after I had banished Hunter to his room and Timon walked through the door from outside and came in to barf on the floor! Are you kidding me? Didn't I just say I was through cleaning up barf off the floor? All Scott could do was sit there like a jack ass and laugh! Sometimes I really hate him!

Unless your are totally OCD about germs you couldn't possibly know what I'm going through over here ~ I would really like to crawl out of my skin! I am just waiting for it to warm up enough outside so I can open all of the windows to get some non germy air in here! As soon as Maisie gets up from her sleepy we are off to Sam's to get another industrial size jug of Clorox Clean Up so I can thoroughly sanitize EVERYTHING!!!! There isn't enough left in my current bottle to accomplish what I am going to do! I may not sleep for the next week in my quest to completely de-germ this joint! YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!!

The Bubonic Plague

Okay so maybe it's not quite as severe as the bubonic plague, but when you are the one suffering through it you might think a little differently! Monday morning my sweet little baby mouse barfed ~ I had heard her coughing at 5, 6, and 7:30 and went racing in her room each time because it sounded like she was throwing up ~ there was no throw up to be found. When she got up at 7:30 she was rattling when she breathed and I thought great she has a cold ~ must have been coughing because of drainage. She just really wasn't acting like herself so I figured she didn't feel too hot and then chose not to eat her yogurt for breakfast ~ a sure sign something is amiss. She was hanging out in the highchair while I packed Hunter's lunch when I heard her cough and turned just in time to see milk spewing from her mouth ~ absolute confirmation that she didn't feel good. I threw her in the tub and got her cleaned up before heading out to drop Hunter at school and on the way home I heard the tell tale cough again and sure enough the barf followed. Yuck ~ all over her brand new Barcalounger, I mean car seat too. After that she appeared to be fine ~ went down for an early sleepy and woke up starving so she was obviously on the mend. Given her rapid recovery I wasn't so sure she had a stomach bug, but later that day I had run to the grocery store and left the kids here with Scott and when I got back Maisie was bathed and ready for bed ~ this was 6:00. I was impressed that Scott had given her a bath, especially since he was about to walk out of the door for a softball game, but then the truth came out ~ he reported that she had "shit up to her shoulder blades!" ~ hence the bath! I decided that she must have a bug given the goo exiting her body ~ yuck! I let my germ guard down on Saturday while we were at Scott's sister's house ~ I am going to bet this where she picked up the bug ~ she hadn't been anywhere but here so I don't know where else she would have gotten it. Everyone likes to make fun of me for my germ -a- phobia, but I will point out that every time I have let my guard down she has gotten something ~ just colds until this little adventure.

This morning about 2:30 I woke up thinking I didn't feel so hot myself ~ I was convinced of this a short while later as I put my head in the toilet. Now let me just say there is nothing in this world that I hate more than barfing ~ yuck! I went back to bed and watched TV but never barfed again ~ woo hoo! When I was kicking Scott out of bed at 5 he asked if I was going to live and I foolishly said "I thought so" ~ I really should have let my feet touch the floor before I came to that conclusion! I told him I either had what Maisie had or the deer from the night before had poisoned me ~ he assured me that the deer had nothing to do with it ~ guess my sweet little mouse barfing on me did though! When Maisie started calling at 7 I knew I had made a mistake telling Scott that I was going to live and to go to work ~ I had hardly made it Maisie's room before I knew I was gonna spew! Now as Murphy's Law would have this Hunter walked out of his room at the same time I walked into Maisie's and went into their bathroom to pee ~ when I quickly decided that throwing up was inevitable I looked in the bathroom and he was showing no signs of stopping peeing anytime soon ~ the thought of racing in there and just pushing him into the bath tub did cross my mind. Instead I quickly put Maisie on the floor and took off running across the house in search of my bath room ~ unfortunately I didn't make it past the kitchen and ended up with my head in the sink rather than the toilet ~ and yes it has already been thoroughly bleached! I am feeling better ~ okay I still feel like warmed over dog poo, but I at least feel I am done barfing ~ guess I can't complain too much about a stomach bug that only makes you barf twice ~ could have been one of those 12 hour non stop barf parties! I'm sure however that by the time it has mutated and Scott contracts it this is what we will be looking at. I hope he and Hunter are going to be spared ~ especially Scott ~ he is the world's worst patient ~ although I really think all men are. I dropped Hunter at school this morning ~ didn't bother to even get out of my jammies, just dropped him at the front door and left. I also didn't pack his lunch ~ I told him he could have the wheat loaded lunch and snack that they would be serving today ~ he was THRILLED! I had better watch out or he will start intentionally contracting stomach bugs so I get them too ~ he's sneaky like that! Scott rode to the office in the van pool this morning so there is no coming home to rescue me ~ guess the mouse and I are on our own ~ I bet we will survive.